It was a year of letting go. It was a time of saying farewell to belongings, both emotional and physical and each encounter brought a feeling of loss and sometimes, freedom. It's odd how such diverse feelings can coexist.
My beloved cat, Simon, disappeared one night and we never saw him again. I searched for months, and even today, as I'm driving, I find myself scanning the neighborhood for a chance sighting of his beautiful face and bright, blue eyes. The continual attempt to let go of my buddy of 13 years has been, and remains painful.
Most parents will tell you that there is no deeper emotion than the love for their child. Physically letting go of a daughter or son takes adjustment, but emotional separation is bewildering. For me, the angst of an estrangement, the questioning of the cause, and praying for a solution, made accepting the change in the relationship, and letting go, an almost impossible endeavor. Unwelcomed and uninvited, 2012 unceremoniously brought this gift to me.
I found myself trying to let go of a house where memories had been piling up for 10 years. And with that move, decluttering and downsizing meant letting go of furniture, trinkets, and memorabilia that I'd been moving around with me for the last 30 years. I did not let go of these items with willingness or grace. Discarding each one, regardless of how small or monetarily worthless, felt like giving away a piece of myself.
Then there was Dad's road atlas - the large Rand McNally version. I had lost track of how many different times it had been packed and unpacked during my travels. Wishing to see, once again, my dad's handwriting, I had often looked through it to see if Dad had made any notations. I never found any. As I looked at it once again trying to decide whether it was a keeper or destined for the 'not keeping it' pile, my partner commented on the atlas's date. It was printed in 2006. My father died in 2002.
We laughed at my delusion. I felt silly, but relieved, that letting go, of at least this one treasure, that had turned out to not be a treasure after all, would find a home in the donation box, with no pain or remorse.
I'm determined to let go of last year. It was not kind. 2012 will be bestowed to some thrift shop. So, if you spot it while you're out buying your own treasures, my recommendation to you, my friend, is don't let go of your wallet and keep on walking.
later between the lines,
A belated happy new year to you!
